Far from finishing Letters from a Skeptic, I have already had my heart wrenched, not by the intellectual substance in the book—abundant and convincing though it was—but by Dr. Greg Boyd's persistent love for his father. The true feat of this book is the heart behind it, not the mind. Answering trenchant, intellectually rigorous questions for three years requires a sharp mind to be sure, but without an impetus commensurate with the intellectual challenge, Dr. Greg Boyd would have thrown in the towel and the discussion petered out, ending in, I can only assume, what is far too common to my conversion efforts—an ugly welter of doubt, frustration, unanswered questions, and so on—especially since the questions were often derogatory.
Not every attempt to reach out to someone—or to reach into someone (which, on a side note, I think is a more suitable description of evangelism)—has to be successful, it won't, and chiseling at granite, of which the heart is made, can be frustrating, but how often do I really pour out my heart? Considered in connection with Alive, and my subsequent complacency, this question feels like a scorching rebuke. It was easy enough to hand out those flyers when the entire church was doing it. Alive was a blast. Immediately after the performance, riding high on adrenaline and relief, I struck up a couple spiritual conversations with the friends I invited. I went back home and went to bed feeling great. But then a week went by, then another. The past few years of my life are strewn with conversations I never followed up on. Something needs to change—but what? I think to answer the question, I need to address another question: Why do I want to love?
I have received God's love, and I am a person who, cannot fathom, but can recognize God's love for me. I believe that God loves me so much that he gave his one and only son to die for me on the cross. I am a sinner whose God's persistent love has pierced. Pastor Timothy gave a message on God's persistent love for us—God is the unrelenting hound of heaven. God did not hold back on me when he gave his beloved son. That is why I want to love.
I don't think it's a matter of trying harder. I don't think I am capable of love like that. The difference between the love I am capable of and the love that God requires is a difference of kind, not of degree. And I think that this different kind of love, this truly persistent love that I want is found only in God Himself. So, it is in truly understanding God's love for me that I am empowered to truly love, and love persistently.
God gave me everything. How could I give any less?
K.M.
04.25.2016
No comments:
Post a Comment